But if you get rid of the munters the ODT would have nothing to write about!

Dear Critic,
I have the answer to all our problems, student debt, campus watch, lack of seats in the library, overcrowding in lecture theatres, even the
inability to reach quorum. Here’s what we do... We make all courses competitive entry into first year. BAs BComs, even HSFY. What happens
then is that we lose the students who are quite content to scrape through their degrees getting narrow passes and spend the rest of their time smoking on the union lawn or burning couches on Castle Street. We lose the people that failed 6th form chem but still want to be doctors.

With these students gone maybe the government could afford to increase the student allowance seeing as they would no longer have to give it to the couch-burning, campus watch antagonizing students.

Furthermore, with these student gone maybe we wouldn’t need campus watch anymore as those of us left would no longer need protection from those people who are not at university to actually learn something, but rather to enjoy a few years of partying and breaking the law (endorsed by OUSA). Its easy to see how having less people enrolled will make the library and lecture theatres less crowded as people seem to be constantly complaining about and on top of this they would probably be quieter as we would lose all those people busy “drawing penises on each other’s arms” as Grumpy so eloquently pointed out last week.

So to sum up, get rid of the trouble making students, who get annoyed when they’re arrested for breaking the law, the students who don’t know what papers they’re enrolled in, the students who are perfectly happy with 50%. Get rid of them all! It’ll be better for the rest of us.

Signed,
Campus Watch lover (William Cheyne)